I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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