Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
