i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
