The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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