and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
