There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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