Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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