Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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