Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
