I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
