and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
