I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
