i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
