roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize