How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
