how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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