I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize