The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
