im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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