I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
