Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
