I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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