She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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