hotel room ftw
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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