Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize