I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
