I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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