I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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