So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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