I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
