We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize