the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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