do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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