I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
