Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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