I think I died a long time ago.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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