i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
