You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
