4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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