wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
