whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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