She's JV to your varsity
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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