tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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