Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
