Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize