i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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