Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
