FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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