he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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