I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
