I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
