I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
