I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
