I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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