quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
