I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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