i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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