I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
