Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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