Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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