I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
