How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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