I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
