theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
