Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
