im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
