Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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