can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
